Further Reading

I gave up everything for my boyfriend and now that he's left, I'm desolate

Dear Stanton:

About a year ago I fell in love with a friend I believed was "The One." Ever since then my whole life has been about him — I became addicted to him and as time went by, I"ve become more and more depressed.

Before this whole thing started I was a very happy and energetic person witha lot of interests who enjoyed living and loved talking to people. During the time we were together I just threw all of my life away: my friends, my work, my dreams, he became the only thing that mattered to me. This addictive love lasted even thogh I realized that he could not accept me after about two months of being together. Despite what I felt he kept telling me he loved me.

At some stage we decided it would be best if we stopped dating and tried to be friends, but it was not the same as the friendship we had had before this whole thing had started. Then he decided to end our friendship (or what was left of it) claiming he loved me too much to be that distant. I took it really hard because he is really important to me as a friend.

Now, even thogh I managed to restore most of the things I had thrown away, I am depressed all the time and I find it hard to concentrate. I can hardly sleep, I can hardly get out of bed in the morning. I feel like being alone most of the time, I feel sick most of the time, I have no energy, I hardly enjoy talking to people. I find it hard to enjoy anything at all, I am not interested in anything anymore, and often feel that I hate the world.

I do not know how to deal with this, I have always been a easily addicted to things but no addiction has ever been that strong.

How do I get him out of my head, I've been thinking about him every second of my life for the past year? How do I get back to life and to enjoying it?

Thank you,

Rose


Dear Rose,

I find it hard to believe (jut like I do with somebody who gives up everything for cocaine) that your life was full and satisfying before you met this guy. Were you satisfied with your job? Did you love your family? How did you spend your evenings?

It would seem that you had a pretty big hole ready to be filled. You need to work on that life. There's no way around it. What kind of work would you like to do? How do you support yourself? How often do you various members of your family?

Do you think your boyfriend really considered you and your feelings? But, then, we could ask — did you really consider your friends and family and their feelings? They didn't seem to count much for you, as you went with a boy who didn't really like or accept you.

Perhaps you have to examine your values also. Just like a cocaine addict who claims the drug made him steel and do other antisocial things, you seemed pretty ready to abandon everything productive (work) you did as well as the things people you enjoyed.

Life is difficult. You get out of it what you put into it. Would you agree?

Stanton