Further Reading

When masturbation hurts in a relationship

Dear Stanton:

I read the Q&A about masterbation effecting the relationship you sad it was a natural thing and all. My question to you is my boyfriend masterbates daily alot I don't know how many times a day at last once a day and our sex life suffers on my end horribly he can't mantain an erection and all our sex ends up being a masterbation session can you offer any advise at all on what the problem may be. I think he has always masterbated we have been together for 2 years and I am an attractive woman but our sex is unromantic and leaves me feeling empty he seems content and says sorry for the malfunction but sees no need to change or admit it is a problem. Is it?


Dear Lauren:

This is a problem, because your sex is unsatisfactory, unlike the story in the previous Ask Stanton concerning masturbation. In any relationship, people have the right to find satisfaction, and to ask for what they need. You may think your boyfriend is not satisfying you sexually because he is masturbating, but it may be that he is not engaged enough with you sexually (which can happen for many reasons), and so he seeks sexual gratification through masturbation. But, as you suggest, it is very selfish of him to accept this state of affairs.

Perhaps the best excuse he could make is that he likes being with you, but is unable to find sexual satisfaction through ordinary sex. But this is a serious dysfunction. You might ask him if there is something you can do that could help him gain gratification through sex with you; but it sounds as though he is not shy about having sex the way he wants it when in your presence.

Best wishes,