Further Reading

How can I salvage my dating relationship?

Dear Stanton,

While I write this, I still feel the need to protect the person I’m dating, by not saying for sure he is an alcoholic while it is obvious I think he is. We have gone out 8 or 9 times in 2 months and every time he drinks excessively.

I have my own problem, that of an occasional alcohol abuser when I want social contact. I will drink to keep up with him, making me sick in morning and psychologically broken down when he doesn't return calls for a week.

I was at a great point that I was doing ok that he wasn't calling, and then he called and told me to meet him at a bar. But then he made other plans without me, so I was left there alone. It seemed like as I was getting control back, he had to remind me he can do what he wants and leave me waiting there.

I called and left a message saying it's over, but then called again two days later and changed my mind.

I feel like I'm addicted to this situation like a junkie.

I am 29 he is 40. When we go out, I feel jealous, clingy and challenged. I go through this with most people I date.

This is the most independent I have felt in life yet the most desolate over someone at same time.

I am sensing he drinks a lot ever day, in the morning he is not nearly as nice; in fact, he pushes me out. During the date, he is extremely nice and it is just the greatest thing.

Is there anyway I can salvage this dating relationship, I wish it would work out.

Thank you so much,
Dan


Dear Dan:

  1. "[I'm] not saying for sure he is an alcoholic while it is obvious I think he is."
  2. "I will drink to keep up with him, making me sick in morning and psychologically broken down when he doesn't return calls for week."
  3. "I feel like I'm addicted to this situation like a junkie."
  4. "This is the most independent I have felt in life yet most desolate over someone at same time."
  5. "Is there anyway I can salvage this dating relationship, I wish it would work out."

Stanton


Stanton,

Of course, reading over my contradictory statements, I get your point that I am at war with myself. I am saying I want to me with someone who makes me miserable. Then I say I am striving to be myself and to be strong. Obviously, I can’t have it both ways.

I am resolving to live without this guy, and to think about spending more time with myself, and also to find someone who respects me, and who makes me feel better about myself.

Dan